13. The Imperial System of Units
I'm a fairly scientifically-minded guy, but 90% of my difficulties with science can be traced back to the Imperial system. Inches, feet, miles, pounds, ounces, gallons, etc. It makes no sense. The only reason it's used in this country is because the people who founded it wanted to differentiate themselves from their European oppressors (despite the fact that the Imperial system has British origins). That's right, the US version of the imperial system was originally enforced by politicians, not scientists. That's where it all went wrong. Let me give you some examples: there are 128 fluid ounces in a gallon, 2000 pounds in a ton, and 5280 feet in a mile. Now for the metric system equivalents: there are 1000 milliliters in a liter, 1000 kilograms in a metric ton, and 1000 meters in a kilometer. Which system makes more sense to you?
12. ALL CAPS
I know this one is rather innocuous, but I just can't stand it. If a hottie were to message me saying "I WANT TO SEX YOU UP RIGHT NOW", it would be a deal-breaker. Probably. Well, I would at least have second thoughts. Call me crazy, but it grates that much against my nerves. This applies equally to using no punctuation.
11. TV previews for the next episode that give out way too much about what's going to happen.
These days, I have to remember to stop watching a show real fast after it ends, because they'll invariably show you a preview of the next episode during the credits, and about 50% of the time, they won't leave anything to the imagination. They'll give away the whole plot of the show! There are entire TV series that I've stopped watching because I failed to avoid the preview a few times and it took all the fun out of it for me.
10. People who drone on at you about their own interests and don't let you get a word in edgewise.
I have a friend who used to call me up nearly every evening and talk about whatever video game he was playing that day. He would blather on and on about it in one disturbingly long run-together sentence without so much as pausing to let you respond to what he was saying and when I decided to break in and try to change the subject he would continue as if I hadn't said a word. And it was always about a game that I didn't play, didn't intend to play, and had absolutely no interest in playing whatsoever. My roommate at the time literally put the phone down for twenty minutes when that friend was talking, and when the phone was picked back up, the guy was still talking and hadn't even noticed. Ever since then, when someone even approaches half this level of insanity, I can't stand to talk to them.
9. OMG ROTFLMAO WTF?
Yeah, internet acronyms. I can't stand them, not only because I prefer communicating in proper English, but because I can't decipher half of them. My brother onced sent me the following message (and I'm paraphrasing): "Btw b4 U go I need 2 tlk!!!!!" It suffices to say that he never got a chance to "tlk" to me.
8. Video games that send you back a half hour when you screw up a complex or difficult maneuver.
I do enjoy playing the occasional video game. I don't have many, because I don't have a lot of time for them and they're getting expensive, but I'll buy one once in a while. However, there's little that I can stand less than when you're sent back halfway to the freaking beginning of the game because you fell off a thin path on a cliff or screwed up a complex puzzle or whatever. If I screw something up, I want to try that thing again, not a half hour of stuff I already got right and then that thing! I like to complete the games I play, but with only one major exception, the few I haven't finished were the ones where I had to go back and do an extra half hour of mundane repetitive work when I borked things up, which happens to me frequently.
7. Bill Sizemore
6. People who tailgate me when I'm speeding.
I know you have some insanely important meeting/TV show/ham sandwich to get to, but I'm already speeding, okay? Cool it. Keep it up and I'll slow down in front of you. Yes, I'm that petty.
5. Blind exclamations of United States supremacy.
Yes, we all know that you're a good patriot and love the country you live in and worship at the feet of freedom and all that. But when you tell others that not supporting a war means you hate the troops, or when you tell others that disagreeing with the President means you want the country to fail, or when you tell others that being a citizen of the United States means that you're better than everyone else in the world, than you sir are a raving lunatic. After all, if we can't admit our mistakes, and if we can't discuss our faults like civilized adults, then how will we ever improve? The same level of annoyance goes for those who make exclamations about what the "Founding Fathers" would have wanted without ever having studied them, those who repeat political information gathered from talk radio and cable news networks without verifying it themselves, and the phrase "Don't mess with Texas".
4. Kewl.
Oh my god, I used to be such a little internet twit. I used to use this constantly. But now I can't stand it. Am I redeemed?
3. Spongebob Squarepants
Yeah, I know, it's cliche. But I can't stand this monstrosity. There are few things that will make me turn away from anything faster if there's even a picture of Spongebob involved. And the voice grates against my nerves. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind most kids' cartoons. In fact, there are a few that I probably enjoy way too much for my age. But Spongebob Squarepants makes The Powerpuff Girls look like Rocko's Modern Life.
2. Rickrolling
Okay, this was funny the first few times. Actually, no. It wasn't. It was insanely annoying from the beginning, and it keeps going on, and on, and on, and on ad nauseum. I don't see the appeal. Whoever thought up this horrid excuse for a meme needs to be drawn and quartered in a vat of acid. There is little that is more aggravating to me than clicking on a link expecting to read some interesting tidbit of information and not getting it. To instead get a stupid video with that same stupid song, again, makes me feel very, very stabby.
1. People who are deathly afraid of turning.
When I'm driving down the road, minding my own business, and the person in front of me decides to slow down to a crawl just to turn onto the next street, it drives me to the looney bin. I'm normally a pretty mellow guy, but the closest I have ever gotten to road rage has been when this has happened. One time, the lady in front of me actually stopped on the street, only to inch forward again to make a turn into a parking lot. The punch line? The parking lot was empty! Just turn already!
And that rounds out my list. There is almost certainly more that I haven't thought of, but I'm done griping for now.
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